Israel Part 1: Surprise!

Well, I’m back. I made it back from Israel in one piece, much to the shock of some of my media inoculated friends and acquaintances. I had a swell time. It was an abbreviated form of a previously longer trip, so we managed to cram way more things into a shorter time. Also knowing that it was going to be shorter, I pushed it harder, because, well, I only had to last a few weeks.

Because I have travelled quite a bit, there were fewer things about Israel that surprised me than I would say, would have the general population. However, that is not to say that things didn’t surprise me. First off, it’s a desert. Where I am from deserts are dry, and blessedly dry. The parts of Israel we stayed at were humid. Not like south Georgia/Alabama humid, but way more humid than I would have expected or wanted. So the unrelenting heat (which surprised no one) was accompanied by a stupid thickness in the air that made me want to just dig a hole and hide in it.

When you (well at least I) think about Israel in the context of military, you/I often think about how boss their military is and how techy they can be. I mean they have a dome of iron (not really, its just called the Iron Dome) that shoots missiles at other missiles coming into their country. They also invented the conceal carry assault rifle, which is a sweet gun. I had also heard that their airport in Tel Aviv was a mastery of spy tech gear that would make Q’s lab in James Bond movies look like an archaeological dig site. So I was on the lookout for things of shininess and Jason Bourne camera spins and fingerprint reading handrails, and DNA testing toilets and sharks with laser freakin beams man and…It was one of the most boring looking airports. I mean they had a small caricature statue of David Ben Gurion various places that you could take selfies and that was kinda fun. (I don’t take selfies, especially with things). But there was not very much apparent tech and coolness. “This is probably their point!” I schemed to myself. “They make it look boring so that people don’t suspect! Like putting a super computer into an old frame.” Meh. That’s an old trick. Besides, literally everyone would suspect Israel to have stuff like that. And maybe they do. I just didn’t see it. And that surprised me.

Travelling from the US to anywhere in Europe or the Middle East is generally a lot easier than coming back, assuming you can sleep on a plane. I am 6’4”. I can sleep on a plane easier than most people would think. So travelling isn’t that hard for me. We arrived in Tel Aviv at 5am (guhh). Then we spent the rest of the day skipping merrily through the country basking in how blessedly hot it was, wishing we could get in the water, or at least a shower, or really anything with air conditioning. When I say skipping merrily through the country, what I actually mean is peeling ourselves off the ground and rolling from site to site. Yes travelling isn’t that hard this direction. But a 14 hour day with only actually a little sleep is. Finally, the hotel. Air conditioning, a pool, food, etc. Did you know they close the city at 2pm on Fridays? I sure didn’t. (Another surprise! Yay!) I’m pretty sure it was in a pre-trip meeting, but I may have missed that. Sad, food was on the line. 2:45 rolls around and I am ready to get a sack lunch for the next day. Now as a person who loves food literally as much as life, I was growing increasingly anxious with every passing storefront that said, “Closed”. But I was leading a group of people searching for food and I had to remain calm, “Brave face. You will find food. You will find food.” (long exhale). “Oh look! A gas station! They sometimes have food.” Yes, I had resigned myself to gas station food. So we walked in, I saw a packaged container that had a picture of a caprese sandwich on it and made pointing motions (only after trying to communicate in English. Apparently not everyone in the country speaks English. Surprise again) and handed the man my credit card. That exchange rate is beautiful. We trudged back to the hotel encouraged by our success of at least a little future sustenance.

The next morning shone brightly through my thinly blinded 4th story window and I shot out of bed as bright eyed and bushy tailed as an exploding supernova. Well at least compared to everyone else around me. They couldn’t stand to look at me for fear of being drawn in and imploding. But I was on the Sea of Galilee and in a new country and the day’s a wasting if you aren’t out ready to explore it. We took a boat ride across the Sea (that is actually a lake with jet skis and wake boarders, but whatever). It was beautiful. I lathered on sunscreen like mayo in a potato salad. Sunburn was hardly how I wanted to start the trip. In addition to the trip on the Sea of Galilee, we also went to the Mount of Beatitudes, which was beautiful. On the way I had my gas station sandwich. It turns out the picture of the caprese was incorrect. It was barbeque chicken. Oh look, another surprise. Heh. Whatever, what’s a little adventure.

The morning after this previous next morning (if you’re following along, this would be Sunday), we went all the way up north the Caesarea Philipi. Cool place. The headwaters of the Jordan come out of a rock. Jesus taught there. But what I found surprising was that I was in Syria! Wait what? I mean kind of. If you look at Google Maps, and find the Golan Heights, you will see that there isn’t a clearly defined border there. There was one, but then people shot at each other and there became a new one. Then people got pissed and there became a new one. And then…Everyone just kinda decided, you put some people here, and we’ll put some people here, and some land mines, and…yeah, that will fix it. So I mean I wasn’t not in Syria. There was a man with an M16 that was there to make sure I knew I was in Israel, and while I was around, I didn’t argue. But now I’m like 5,000 miles away, and I can say whatever. I was also a rock’s throw away from Lebanon. I mean if I threw a rock it might have landed on a land mine and exploded and the shards of that previous rock might have been propelled the rest of the two hundred or so meters I couldn’t throw, but the point is, I was also really close to Lebanon. I collect countries. This made me sad. To further my torment we ate at a Lebanese restaurant on the border. Just kidding, that wasn’t torture, that was heaven. I stuffed my face like a fat guy coming off a diet. It was spectacular.

The morning after the morning previously known as “the morning after this previous next morning” (now its Monday), we were digging. There were many surprises to how an archaeological dig site worked, and even though I was the photographer, I thought at one point, people would have to excavate me in the future.